Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood
I wish you all well, or at least I wish I could
But you are the enemy, always to be watched
I wish it were any other way but my fate is locked
Big Brother is watching, not you but me
He has set his shackles upon us, but I want to be set free
Jim Barr, probably the strangest and most sour fruit on the vine. I know exactly why you left me. Jealousy, vengeance, contempt mixed with bad blood, all that good stuff. Of course, I won’t get down to the specifics…. we never do anyways. You are merely an echo of the past. Your presence wreaks of a treachery that forebodes bad luck. If venom originated from fruit then you would be the seeds, but knowing me I would fall for your petty tricks and indulge on the nectar. I wish I could forget you. But it’s hard to forget the ones that made you who you are, and unfortunately, I love myself.
The Rift
The place where it all began. The place that brought us happiness…or so we thought. The place that gave us comfort, security, and love. The Rift brought us a fortune and the means to wonder the world and separate evil from the sincere. The Rift brought about innocence, a herd of lamb, and the means to live. It brought life. Unfortunately, it also brought death… and death is unforgivable.
music is a gracious gift, one which we all take for granted. we don’t know where it came from, nor do we know it’s true purpose. we can only make artificial interpretations as to why it exists and i’m here to present to you one of many reasons: it’s pure soul food. music is balance. it is a way of life. it can make you feel relaxed. It Can Make You Feel Exhilarated. other times it’s just there not because you want it, but because you need it. i know i need it. especially now. when you feel at the bottom. i always wondered why people liked country music. it’s one of the most uninteresting genres of music around. i guess i still wonder that but coming from a different state of mind, i guess everything is different for everybody. music to me is poetry that pertains to specific feelings. normal poetry can be interpreted in different ways, which is great however nowadays i just want things to feel like they have a direct purpose. i used to really like loose ends and for interpretations to be up to the reader but now i feel as if it’s pointless. there should be an answer for everything. i guess my attitude has changed and i’m not sure if it’s because of the music or if it’s because life is moving too fast for me to catch up. stress is something that’s been taking quite a toll on me for the last few months and i truly hate it. i really forget what a life without stress feels like. i just cannot get away from it, which brings me to the next thought: the human mind. i cannot escape it. the mind brings about thoughts that i want to forget and it distracts me from the future, with it’s haunting past. i wish i could just focus.
i finally put my thoughts out there, from the soul. time well spent i believe.
The most frightening part of life is not the absence of time, but the realization of how much of it you really have.
This year being my final year of high school has truly had an effect on me that I did not expect. I finally realized what time is. I guess one could say I should have realized it long ago but it wasn’t until I dug up one of my old yearbooks while cleaning up my workspace did I realize what a life I have led.
To think that everything was coming to a close and that in the coming months I may not see the people I was closest to ever again. It really is a scary thought. It makes me wonder whether or not what I did in the past was right. I know it’s not a healthy thought to ponder on but sometimes it has to be done. The years I’ve spent building relationships and being the best person I could possibly be while at the same time being the person my parents wanted me to be has ultimately consumed 100% of my time, so do I regret it? Truthfully I don’t know.
There’s been a lot good that has resulted from the bad while at the same time there’s been a lot of bad… resulting from the good. The way it all works…It will always be a mystery, and admittedly I hate it. As time passes, more questions are being asked than questions being answered. Maybe I’ll figure it all out.
I have dedicated my entire blog to the subject of time.
So let’s begin, shall we? I think we’ve wasted enough of it.
Southern trees bear a strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves
Blood at the root
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze…
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees…
Pastoral scene of the gallant south,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.
Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop…
Strange fruit hanging…from the poplar trees
Seriously some of the most symbolic music I’ve ever heard. I just wanted to share it with you all.
We are the ones we have been looking for.
I have thought about this statement for years now. Because of this, each and every day I feel I must do something great. I have to be able to leave a footprint on Earth and most of all, I must be able to change this world somehow. We can never change the past and time will not wait for us. We must be able to make the right choices and take the right paths at the correct time in order to achieve the best possible outcome. One small decision can completely alter one’s destiny and that is what I am most afraid of. We as humans have the power to completely change someones life with every single decision we make. Each and every step counts. For this reason, I hate chance. Chance is pure evil. The problem is that we can never avoid it. Everything we do in life is essentially us taking a chance. Whether it’s going out for a stroll or riding a bike or even going to your freezer to get some ice cream. You are always taking chances.
Now reflect upon your life. Think about every decision you have made. Whether it is small or large. Now think about what would have happened if you said something else or did something different. Could you imagine how different things would be? Do you now realize the significance of your choices? It is honestly quite frightening once you really delve deep into your memories. The chance that you could very well be doing something different right now instead of reading this. The chance that I could be somewhere else instead of writing this. It all comes down to chance. While it may be frightening, it is also very fascinating at the same time. Your chances determine your fortunes.
Let’s get to the point. I have exhausted the fact that everything we do in life formulates our path to the future. The reason I am sharing this is because I feel we should stop looking for the hero that will change the world. We as humans imagine this ideal “hero” to have made perfect choices. Why can we not be this hero? Why must we wait for this individual to bless us? Generations after generations, we have complained about numerous things in this world whether it be global warming, over use of fossil fuels, currency rates, or any other diplomatic situation. The choices we make in life now at this moment count and we must choose wisely. We must be the ones we have been looking for and we must not have any regrets.
However, this is where chance comes in to play. If there is ANYTHING that will truly destroy humanity, it is taking chances.
The following is a quote from The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”
I was greatly inspired by this and decided to follow this up using what I understood from this text and my own experiences with solitude.
The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. To stare blankly is to acknowledge their failures and the embracement of true solitude. To stare blankly is to fall into the depths of darkness. To stare blankly is to embrace morality. To stare blankly is to be human once more. To become submerged in the depths of reality. The feeling of loneliness only shows us that we are controlled by our emotions. That we are blinded by our emotions. We realize that we have become something other than ourselves only when it matters the least. Because of this, we suffer.
I am graffiti
You may know me by the hatred you bear
You may know me from the beautiful streets you once happened to walk on
You may recognize me from the news you control ever so…diligently
You may recognize me from the wall you stared at whilst a single tear rolled down your cheek
ever
so
slowly
We might happen to share identical features including…colors
But that is where our similarities come to an end
Our conflict lies within our differences
I know an incredible amount about you sir, I think it’s time you got to know just as much about
me
I am a message that should be acknowledged
I am art blinded by a curse from the past
I am ballistic expression
I am admirable
I am despicable
I am beauty coated by the viscid and dark paint of YOUR paintbrush atop MY canvas
I represent the aftermath of the bloodshed you waged on the land where lambs and mockingbirds reside
I will be an immortal representative
I will never cease to exist
I am an eternal flame
I am the people
I am merely words yet one should be reminded that
still water
runs
deep
I am truth written in colours
I am truth written in style
I am a voice of the people
My message will stay for a while
Can you really say the same?
In school, there was a boy who hated what he saw.
Was it the atmosphere? The ambience? maybe it was the call
of teachers telling him he wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t good enough.
Yet this boy stayed, no he didn’t depart.
He took it to heart and spent the rest of the day in shame.
The boy cursed her name on the way back home until there were no more steps to take or dreams to break.
And I say dreams because this boy had dreams, oh he had some big dreams.
In fact, this boy daydreamed constantly.
Pouring all his passion, love, and thought into fantasies that may or may not become a reality.
But It was an escape from the solitary environment where he couldn’t create.
The next day he returns to school, hoping he learns the tools to be what he wanted.
He was taunted with worksheet after worksheet,
dozens of questions.
He hated it all, whether it was review or lessons.
“Why does he live this way?”
“Why does he live at all?”
These are what his teachers say to him on a daily basis.
Because they don’t understand the dreams this boy dreamt
They don’t understand the competition this boy carried
They don’t understand the future he fights for
They don’t understand the salvation he sought
They don’t understand.
His life was a mess
All he wanted was to turn it around instead of turning it off because he knew he was worth more than a blade cutting into his soft skin or a noose wrapped around his throat.
His dreams were too big
Yet they were so small
This boy wanted to prove them all wrong, wanted to show the futility of the education he was held captive in.
His dreams were worth more than school
He wanted to show them that he had a place in this world
But…then why do people hate him for this?
Last night this boy had an epiphany.
One that rocked him to the very core of his existence
An exhilarating thrill shook up his spine and throughout his body.
Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.
Maybe his dreams were truly worth nothing
But these thoughts were not without reason
History has repeated itself over and over again
If each individual was destined to be great then why is there such a big disparity between people?
Why have we not yet achieved universal peace?
Why do we resent what we do not understand?
If you believe racial profiling is a thing of the past, then you probably don’t know who Treyvon Martin is
…
The world is a cruel place
Your dreams will be shattered and you will be lost
Years upon years of living an optimistic lifestyle has given this boy nothing but a false ray of hope beaming down upon him like was standing on the stage of tragedy
It was not the kind of spotlight he had in mind
However
He saw now
People hated him because he wanted to change these sayings
He would ruin the norm
He would be superior
This was the attitude that changed the world, generation after generation
Einstein, Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, Thomas Edison, Marilyn Monroe have all had this attitude
This boy realized he was destined for greatness no matter what the crowd has to say and no matter where the spotlight lands
It is just a matter of time before each and every individual realizes this
Until then, let there be hate in this world
This was an epiphany this boy would never forget.
